God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
