OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
