just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
