why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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