Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize