Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
