The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
