Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
