My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
