theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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