I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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