There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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