sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize