Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have demons in me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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