his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
