I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
