The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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