She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
