At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
