I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
