So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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