now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
