oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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