dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
