i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
