Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
