omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
