I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
