whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
