spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
