Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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