need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
