I hate all girls vehemently.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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