Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
