I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
