Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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