I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
