I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
