Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
