Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize