With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
