hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
