They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
