gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
