At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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