apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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