i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Two words: nipple clamps
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