its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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