soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
is it fun? or sober?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
