i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
