Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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