She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
