okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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