were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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