what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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