Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
