yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
