Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
