Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
