Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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