I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
