hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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