There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
