Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
