just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
