8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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