His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
