I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
