i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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