nut hugger
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
