i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this beer tastes like vomit already
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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