The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
